Managing remote workers to everyone’s benefit - productivity, wellbeing, results (a guest post by Nigel Scott)

The statistics tell us that up to 60% of workers are currently working from home [1] as we continue to to overcome Coronavirus.  What was previously considered a luxury for the few has become a necessity for the many.  A recent Gallup study [2] indicated that 35 percent of employees want to work only remotely from now on. And 68 percent of organizations will "probably or definitely" adopt work-from-home flexibility for all workers. It seems likely that working from home (WFH) is going to grow in the future.

But here’s the rub, we currently have a predominantly office based culture of management that subtly blends a combination of presenteeism, regular oversight from a manager who is satisfied if s/he “sees” busyness around the office, many meetings, unannounced drop in discussions, and pressures to work harder and longer . Granted, It’s not like this for everyone but you get the picture!  And how can that kind of management behaviour even begin to work across the ether to a home worker?  More to the point, should it?  There must be a better way.

Anecdotal evidence from our colleagues indicates that many managers are struggling to cope with managing and supporting staff WFH. Tales are told of frequent phone calls to check on progress, persistent multi-channel messaging, unreasonable expectations of outputs, and insistence on minutely detailed time recording against projects, and yes - of course – many zoom call meetings!

And for employees, working from home is not an easy opt-out from the office.  There are all sorts of distractions from finding a space to work at, children and pets, to the incursion of daily home duties. And then there are the personal mental challenges around feeling valued, wanting to do a good job, fear of failure, loneliness from work colleagues and so on.

How do we manage better online?

So what are the tools and behaviours that an ‘online’ manager needs to create and maintain productive and content employees?

Start with work structure (work process and work rhythm).  This is about setting the ground rules clearly, shifting focus from inputs to outputs, and creating a working rhythm that suits both the employee and the manager.  In essence creating a clarity of purpose and expectation with each employee, so they can contribute fully in the context of the circumstances that they are working in.

The work process needs:

• Specific task and behaviour objectives, defined in terms of outputs, to be accomplished during an agreed cycle
• An agreed process to measure objectives
• Work prioritisation agreed by identifying those results that are most crucial and those that can be delayed.  Attaching milestones or deadlines helps focus on what is important.
• Clarifying how individual objectives support group work goals
• Online access to all of the necessary resources

The work rhythm needs us to [3]:

Establish “rules of engagement” at the outset: Remote work becomes more efficient and satisfying when managers set expectations for the frequency, means, and ideal timing of communication for their teams. For example, “We use videoconferencing for daily check-in meetings, but we use IM when something is urgent.” Also, if you can, let your employees know the best way and time to reach you during the workday (e.g., “I tend to be more available late in the day for ad hoc phone or video conversations, but if there’s an emergency earlier in the day, send me a text.”) Finally, keep an eye on communication among team members, to ensure that they are sharing information as needed.

Agree different communication options.  Email alone is insufficient. Remote workers benefit from having a “richer” technology, such as video conferencing, that gives participants many of the visual cues that they would have if they were face-to-face. Video conferencing has many advantages, especially for smaller groups: Visual cues allow for increased “mutual knowledge” about coworkers and also help reduce the sense of isolation among teams. Video is also particularly useful for complex or sensitive conversations, as it feels more personal than written or audio-only communication. 

There are other circumstances when quick collaboration is more important than visual detail. For these situations, provide mobile-enabled individual messaging functionality (like Slack, Zoom, Microsoft Teams, etc.) which can be used for simpler, less formal conversations, as well as time-sensitive communication.

Provide opportunities for remote social interaction: One of the most essential steps a manager can take is to structure ways for employees to interact socially (that is, have informal conversations about non-work topics) while working remotely.

The easiest way to establish some basic social interaction is to leave some time at the beginning of team calls just for non-work items (e.g., “We’re going to spend the first few minutes just catching up with each other. How was your weekend?”). Other options include virtual pizza parties (in which pizza is delivered to all team members at the time of a videoconference), or virtual office parties (in which party “care packages” can be sent in advance to be opened and enjoyed simultaneously). While these types of events may sound artificial or forced, experienced managers of remote workers (and the workers themselves) report that virtual events help reduce feelings of isolation, promoting a sense of belonging.

Offer encouragement and emotional support: (apply the principles of EI), Especially in the context of an abrupt shift to remote work, it is important for managers to acknowledge stress, listen to employees’ anxieties and concerns, and empathize with their struggles. If a newly remote employee is clearly struggling but not communicating stress or anxiety, ask them how they’re doing. Even a general question such as “How is this remote work situation working out for you so far?” can elicit important information that you might not otherwise hear. Once you ask the question, be sure to listen carefully to the response, and briefly restate it back to the employee, to ensure that you understood correctly. Let the employee’s stress or concerns (rather than your own) be the focus of this conversation.

What is EI or EQ?  It was in 1995 when Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, wrote “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ” [4].  He and his team identified that the behaviours of introspection, self awareness, understanding, empathy, sharing emotions and being open to criticism were synonymous with “good management”.  These behaviours help considerably when managing at a distance, because not having direct contact makes trying to “read” an employee much more difficult.

Studies show that there are significant links between high EI and more successful interpersonal relations. people who exhibit higher levels of EI also show a greater level of empathy and cooperation with others, which builds closer and more satisfying relationships as well as greater social skills in general [5].  Goleman described managers with a low EI as capable of becoming destructive to their employees and the organization. This type of low EI can result in management not being trusted, poor understanding and a limited ability to motivate employees.  This hinders good work performance.

Here are some tips to increase your own emotional intelligence and that of your team [6]:

1. Identify your strengths and weaknesses by asking for feedback and observing other people’s reaction to your behaviour. Instead of blaming them for their reaction, ask yourself what could you have done differently.
2. Get a mentor or a coach that will offer you honest feedback and challenge your behaviour.
3. Pay attention to when you feel negative emotions. They are usually a sign. If you are frustrated, ask yourself why. If you have explained the same thing three times and people still don’t understand what you mean, take responsibility. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is Einstein’s definition of insanity. Explain it differently. Don’t change the outcome, change the methodology.
4. Observe your team closely, notice their mindset and emotional state. Address any issues in a constructive manner.
5. Be empathetic and try to understand how others feel. You may not feel the same way as they do but you may have experienced the same emotion for a different reason. Use this experience to show empathy.
6. Have the courage to be wrong. Admitting mistakes and learning from them shows character and integrity.
7. Encourage open communication by listening and being curious about what is being suggested. People in the workplace can often be defensive and showing you are interested in them can open up better communication.
8. Take the time to acknowledge and thank your team for their effort, and celebrate success.

How to make it work for you and your team

Managing (and leading) at a distance is likely to become more commonplace over the coming months and years.  It does require a different management approach, principally from control to support, which is much enhanced by ensuring the ground rules of communication and work processes are agreed, understood and practiced.  Developing a stronger EI strengthens the awareness and bond between manager and staff, enhancing support which results in better work outcomes and more content staff. 

If you are struggling with any of these issues, or seek support to improve on any of then contact us for a confidential discussion to find how we can help you.

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[1] https://www.finder.com/uk/working-from-home-statistics

[2] https://www.mis-solutions.com/2020/07/should-your-employees-continue-to-work-from-home/

[3] Adapted from https://hbr.org/2020/03/a-guide-to-managing-your-newly-remote-workers

[4] Daniel Goleman “Emotional Intelligence – why it can matter more than IQ” 1995

[5] https://positivepsychology.com/importance-of-emotional-intelligence/

[6] https://www.theguardian.com/careers/2015/aug/20/emotional-intelligence-why-managers-should-show-a-softer-side

Nine use cases of reopening after lockdown

There are probably thousands of organisations operating in the legal and advice space. Most have been challenged to adapt to the circumstances of lockdown and social distancing. Some have continued to function, albeit at lower levels, some have carried on ‘business as usual’ albeit in an online space, and some have been forced to shut their doors for now.

As lockdown eases, there is already some smart thinking about how we all adapt to the new circumstances and we think it’s worth sharing. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, you just need to borrow someone’s idea and refine it (but please credit them and say thank you – it’s only polite!).

The nine 'types'

The following are necessarily ‘blunt’ organisation types but we hope you recognise yourselves amongst them and can learn or spark ideas and plans.

1. Grant giving organisations (including foundations) – with the exception of additional capacity demands (more money awarded faster), more flexible reporting and more collaboration between organisations, this has pretty much been business as usual. It begs the question of what do they even need an office for. Working remotely appears to work rather well with some exceptions.
2. Membership and network services – definitely challenged initially as the role of understanding the immediate needs of members and collating, curating and shaping resources became urgent, most networks (and a shout out to Law Centres Network in particular) have adapted well, provided new models of support, coordinated support online across different cohorts (operations, governance, functions) and even continued some research. Again, working remotely appears to work rather well. No need to rush back.
3. Office based advice – some of these organisations (and we include law centres, community advice organisations, local services here) suffered a shock when they had to close their doors. The ones who had prepared ‘business continuity’ and invested in more modern ways of working transitioned quickly and relatively easily – phone services routed through VOIP and telephone advice lines, video calls with clients, online interaction between teams. The ones without up to date technology and communications infrastructure suffered and resorted to pay as you go mobile phones to keep things going. Clearly social distancing and the unwillingness of many people to travel mean cramped offices are not viable. But alternating teams each week (Team A work from the office in week one, Team B in week two etc) is a very practical response. The rest of the service operates with remote working. We’ll make a nod to courts here and the volunteers that support clients. It’s possible online but not so easy – Support Through Court provides an interesting use case in itself. Citizens Advice have good things to share.
4. Training including community based – location based group training had to stop. Organisations moved training online and with positive results (Law for Life’s housing course is a great example). Reach improved (delegates didn’t have to travel), takeup numbers improved, quality was sometimes enhanced by being able to share resources more widely. Costs came down after the initial investment. There were, and are, clearly exclusions (those without digital access and connectivity) but on the whole it’s been surprisingly good. There will be a return to community based training in groups but at a much lower level.
5. Drop in services – drop in stopped. Drop in won’t/can’t return the way it was. A random group of strangers congregating in a confined space isn’t even allowed in the pub anymore. But how about this? You turn up to an appointed space, book a session and return for a timed appointment. Ideally you would book online but the drop in revision supports those who can’t book online. This also supports community advice centres – those who can’t access online services can head to the front desk (with plexi glass screen for safety) and book a session.
6. Supervised advice (face to face or helpline) – this held up surprisingly well. Some organisations struggled but others were able to supervise trainees or volunteers, run three way video (or audio) calls (volunteer, supervisor and client) or simply supervise preparation via video call and leave the volunteer with the client. Some helplines were challenged but others adapted to reviewing call recordings or moving between ‘zoom rooms’. It will continue to work – it will have to – but there might be an argument for having banks of volunteers in an office space, supported by a supervisor who they can escalate to. Although that can also be done online.
7. Community referral networks – these really suffered. The absence of physical faith communities, of after school clubs, the lack of those tiny shop fronts or offices where people cram in had a serious effect on the face to face (often digitally excluded) accessing the first point of contact. Yet social prescribing (talking across the doorstep or over the fence) and mutual aid groups have managed to keep the grass roots going. The small community organisations need to return, we need the faith groups and after school clubs but let’s ensure we ringfence provision for those who can’t access support digitally. And let’s go looking for the ‘disappeared’ (those who were cut off overnight but are gradually returning now Starbucks and McDonalds free wifi is back).
8. Scheduled clinics – these have mostly adapted well. The old school face to face ‘turn up for an evening’ stopped almost overnight but online scheduling tools and video calls (Zoom or Microsoft Teams) enabled advice clients and their advisors to get together. The coordination has been more demanding but it’s worked. Shout out to University House who have been running remote advice (advisors in London, provision in South West England) for a while and kept running smoothly throughout the pandemic and to LawWorks for coordinating ideas and resource sharing throughout their clinics networks.
9. Online provision – if you were operating online before, there’s no need to change. You’ve probably acquired some new clients but just keep making your service better and ensure those that don’t need face to face physical support can use you. Citizens Advice resources (and data) have proved invaluable.

The other frame - not just how but why and impact

The other frame for this, beyond ‘going back to the office’, is to consider how what we do, and the decisions we make, impact six key areas:

• The quality of service
• The cost of provision (per user or output and overall)
• The effectiveness of the service
• The financial sustainability
• The outcome of provision
• The well being of staff and volunteers

In most cases, quality has held up, cost has come down (not always), effectiveness has varied (learning as we go), financial sustainability has been slightly challenged (not least by the legal aid system) and outcomes are still to be determined (we need more data).

But the caveat to all this (and why the well being of staff and volunteers is so fundamental) is that home working doesn’t work for everyone and it never has. If you have small children, if you’re at personal risk, if you just don’t have the environment conducive to effective working conditions (it might be cramped, noisy or poor connectivity), it’s always going to be hard. There is work to do to better support those who find working from home a challenge. Additionally, how are we providing the ad hoc learning and development opportunities (and ad hoc support) which worked well in office environments but hasn’t quite translated online – it will require a new way of managing and leading.

There’s more work to do to ensure clients have a safe space to talk to us if their own home isn’t a safe space. Those who are shielding won’t be able to come and visit you and don’t assume everyone wants to travel to see you anyway (or even travel to work be they staff or volunteer). We need to ensure we protect face to face physical service for those who absolutely need it and steer everyone else onto some form of technology and communication supported service.

Offices and community buildings aren’t quite a thing of the past but think about what you need and why and also what you could do when you’re saving the rent money. Focus on the outcome you want to have not just ‘we always did it like this’. Can we bring services together around the person, not keep moving the person between services? Is the future the 'minimum office' with lots of working from home?

Conclusion

So in conclusion, there aren’t too many different types of ‘life after lockdown return to the building’ propositions for the legal and advice sector. You probably fit into one or two of these so let’s learn from the organisations with the bright ideas who’ve tried it and build on those successes. It’s really not worth everyone reinventing the wheel.

But a final point. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. We need to think about the why as well as the how in moving forward to providing outcomes for our clients and our staff and volunteers.

(We’re aware this article doesn’t solve the problem or collate all the case studies - http://www.lipnetwork.org.uk/noticeboard/message/1981 is a start - so we’re asking for that to happen and for the information to be shared. This is a call to action so who wants to help?)

Thank you to my colleagues on the Legal and Advice Sector Roundtable steering group for feedback and comments on this article.

How can organisations work better and more easily in a time of crisis?

The Covid-19 pandemic was a shock and precipitated major changes to how we live, work and communicate. The crisis saw major adaptations implemented quickly but as we move into potentially recurring lockdowns and the need to further adapt for social distancing, further long term change will be required. Here we present a framework for moving forward, with as much consistency and reassurance as possible, towards sustainability for organisations and their communities.

When you’re barely able to cope or keep on top of things, change is hard. Any form of change requires you to try something new and that requires capacity and headspace, two things we feel a bit short of right now. However, we’re currently experiencing a lockdown ‘tax’ of sorts, slightly hamstrung by circumstances and previous decisions, ineffective processes and underutilised tools. So how do we ‘break out’? Or are we truly happy staying with the status quo?

As a colleague said last week, “It just feels like I’m walking through a dense wood without a compass or way out.”

One of the advantages of being an independent consultant (unpressured by day to day responsibilities) is the freedom to move around, read, think, share learning, concentrate investment on only the effective and meaningful and not get subsumed into organisational politics and ‘timesinks’. It offers headspace, an opportunity to reflect and an ability to share learnings from multiple sources and projects. So, as life after lockdown and the pursuit of sustainability become key issues, and as managers have to change their way of managing, what do organisations need and how can managers make the space? 

A framework and why it’s needed

So how do we go about it? Well, this is a proposed framework of four phases and it starts simple: 

1. Discovery - what are your key challenges and why are they important. It might kick off with a chat over coffee. 
2. Opportunities - what can you do differently or better (including quick wins) and what’s the plan, who’s doing it and when
3. Resolution - action, making change, driving forward, holding accountable
4. Results - demonstrating outcomes (our end goals) and realising and reinforcing the benefits

Organisations are suffering because the basics aren’t in place. Management doesn’t make time to think, issues go unresolved, systems are implemented hurriedly and carelessly, staff have few meaningful processes and usually inadequate training. Leaders and managers may be exceptional functional specialists but may lack core management skills, disciplines and focus (there will always be the temptation to get sucked into doing things).

Ideas arise but corners are cut. Projects aren’t managed, merely wandered through as unconnected unmeasured tasks without realistic objectives. The cult of busyness without accountability or impact (leading to increased vulnerability and burnout). Benefits and outcomes never realised. Material frustration with real cost (people time and frustration as well as cash) as things atrophy. It’s even harder right now because workforce capacity is strained meeting need and volume (both as services and people management) but if we don’t prioritise beyond firefighting, how will we ever make things better? 

It doesn’t need to be this way. It starts with making (a little) time, reflecting, planning, getting support and executing with discipline - the hallmarks of resilience.

I discovered a great definition of resilience (@Tom_c_watson) this week: “Resilience is about having the right foundational principles, having the right people, and making the best decisions you have with the information you have, and learning from every single thing good and especially bad.”

Let’s unpick that a little: 

1. We need principles to guide us and our decisions
2. The right people are important (but also how we support them to be the right people and act in the right way)
3. We need to make decisions (and act) based on the information available, not keep putting things off until later and that requires awareness of what’s really going on (not just what we assume is going on)
4. We need to learn from the good (what works, for us and what we can learn outside) and the bad (what we need to make better) 

Four points which might just get us out of the dense wood and may provide that very compass. Four points we can derive from the four phase Framework above and your existing strategy, mission and values – Discovery (to know where we are and make the information available for decisions), Opportunities (prioritised and underpinned by Principles and Decision Making), Resolutions (underpinned by people and learning) and Results (ensuring we learn and get the benefit from what we do).

A better way

“Design is the process for guiding the what and the how and reduces the risk of getting things wrong.”

This isn’t a call to simply rip up and throw away the existing ways of working or jump into a major change project. It’s a call to start a conversation, recognise what could be better and whether the investment in making it better is more important than keep doing things the current way. Whether making time to think and reflect and start changing will pay back quickly enough to make a big enough difference. Some things we will need to do differently anyway – social distancing and peoples’ fears will ensure that.

The environmental forces at work – wicked problems, moving targets, no idea what to shoot for, lack of money – have a trickle down effect on staff wellbeing, leading to exhaustion and the inability to get out of the funk.

It leads to the perception of it’s all too complicated, confusing and lacking guidance. When it comes to tools (or data), the lack of technology expertise and lack of commercial/operations roles lead to poorly delivered projects with long term adverse consequences. It needs direction, standards, good practice, how to and support.

And the good news is those resources and that support is out there. 

In order to be sustainable, we need to have a clear direction, resources, finance, tools, people, discipline, a roadmap and a means of measuring progress and ensuring progress. We can’t just keep lumbering on.

Cash flow is definitely an issue, but all organisations need to invest to survive. Choices need to be made.

Therefore, we propose the following as a way of moving your organisation through the four phases (from Discovery to Results) in a supported and sustainable fashion, with reassurance: 

1. An independent look – it starts with a conversation and being aware where you are (you might be pleasantly surprised how well you are doing)
2. A simple strategy and key principles – more about choices than complexity
3. A roadmap – what you’re going to do and when (and why)
4. Application of good practices and tools to improve internal operations and external facing services – the resources and learning are out there, fairly accessible and not too difficult to apply (often in bite sized chunks)
5. Investing in people, giving them the skills and confidence to use tools and practices and do things the ‘right way’
6. A driving accountability (or “keeping us honest” as a senior leader said to me this week) – we all need to keep momentum and a critical friend can help here
7. The reassurance that this will work, and we’ll get out of the wood – coaching, mentoring and the role of a critical friend

Awareness of where we are, clarity of direction, a roadmap, the right tools (and skills) used in the right ways, focus on outcomes and sustainability and keeping pushing forward - it’s about behaviours and resilient drive. Simply prioritising, innovating (the process of doing things differently to get better results), leading with humanity but being firm when needed.

How might we help?

We can offer (and have for many years), an independent perspective, a listening ear, the right amount and proportion of challenge and support, ensuring progress, change and accountability. 

But fundamentally whatever the activities in an organisation, there is a need for more tangible leadership, defined programme management, effective and honest collaboration (learning and sharing) and realising benefits - not spraying information, talking shops and rearranging the deckchairs as the ship lists around you.

Or as a wise person put it, “It’s ball breakingly boring but important.” 

We can ‘build back better’. We don’t need to struggle so much, and the world doesn’t need to look like this. But it starts with acknowledging the need to change and reaching out to get the support to make that happen. If we do invest the time, we will all (leaders, organisations, beneficiaries and communities) see the benefits.

(And of course, you can do this yourself, with friends and colleagues, but remember you don’t have to. That’s what a wider community of practice is for.) 

Thank you to Nigel Scott for inspiring the thinking and framework of this article and to Frances Post for her input and feedback on our original draft.

What use is a consultant? Here are six ideas

Expertise. It always comes at a price. It may come from those ‘different’ to us. And there’s always the question of “well what do they really know about what works for us?”

All legitimate questions! But even if you hate consultants and think they borrow your watch to tell you the time, what benefits and value might they offer? Is it worth giving consultants a second chance and thinking about them as an investment rather than a cost?

1. Expertise. No one is a master of everything and expertise is important. Whether it’s strategic thinking, modelling, people, process, data, technology or change, expertise alongside you is likely to get you a better end result and more quickly. In some cases it’s essential to challenge pre-conceptions (or question the suppliers who make you nervous). You could learn all this extra stuff but do you have time or the will?
2. Experience. If you haven’t done something before you’re likely to be learning and that takes time and costs money. You probably won’t know the traps or viable shortcuts or best ways of working. One of the joys of consultancy is continually learning and improving so each project is better than the one before. We learn alongside that in domains you don’t have time to, so we can deliver the best value of that experience. The focus gives us experience – different to your own experience – which dovetails with your own knowledge and awareness for a better end result. We also have expert colleagues in related areas.
3. Reassurance. We can help allay and resolve your fears. After all, you might be embarking on your first major strategy review for years or first digital transformation. We’ve been doing them as a day job. You can ask us questions and we can address your fears or concerns. We can spell out the issues at the beginning (sometimes projects need to be killed at birth). We can also support and hold your hand through the challenge. It’s part support, part facilitation, part peer coaching, part critical friend. We won’t (recommend) you do anything stupid.
4. Capacity. Get the job done and get it done more quickly. If you’re struggling to devote a few hours a month to something and not quite getting your head round it then you probably need capacity. You could recruit a staff member but for short term and relatively low cost projects, that’s not cost or time efficient. Sometimes it’s about headspace. Sometimes it’s the meeting with a consultant that offers you ‘permission’ for that headspace.
5. Fresh perspective. Maybe you need a different perspective on the same old things and reduce biases. Consultants will be separate from your culture but as long as they share your values this is a good thing. They can be curious, ask open questions, get to the heart of the matter and offer a fresh view. And you don’t have to agree with it. Above all, you can be honest with your consultant. What happens in the consulting room, stays in the consulting room (unless you ask us to share the report).
6. External conscience and challenge. This can be the hardest but also most valuable. Staff (whether new or old) often feel they need to bow to the boss (or become lethargic to change and give up trying). Even new staff often wait a while to get the lay of the land. Consultants come in, ask questions, test assumptions and share observations ahead of recommendations. We can push because we don’t mind if you fire us. We can tell you if it won’t work. We can tell you that you need to get on with it. That challenge might be important in driving something along at a pace you would like to meet but don’t always feel comfortable with (and often get distracted from).

Consultants can help you solve problems, or implement good ideas or fill a short term gap. We’re not a long term solution but we do move things along. And the ethical ones amongst us (most consultants actually) won’t take your money to do things we don’t think will offer you value.

At Omega Alpha, we see ourselves as caring consultants. We work with empathy (whilst also being prepared to take a critical friend role), focus on outcomes, value and benefits (as well as getting the job done). The bigger picture does matter to us. We listen, understand, inspire then push.

And of course we use ‘consultants’ too – accountants, communications experts, technical wizards and coaches. Experts with experience who provide capacity we don’t have, perspectives beyond our instinctive reaction, reassurance when we struggle and the challenge to ensure we do things right.

It’s not even expensive. Sure, day rates seem expensive, but the cost of recruiting a staff member and paying for their desk and kit, training them, managing them etc can all add up. And that’s before you account for frustrations with internal efficiencies. A good consultant comes in, helps you deliver the result and goes.

Assuming a manager on £40,000 is operating at 70% delivery on outcomes (the other 30% is on internal activity), working a normal full time role with holidays, with normal oncosts and office costs, then their approximate day rate is £360. Definitely cheaper than most consultancy but add in that off the shelf expertise, experience, fresh perspective and conscience and challenge and it’s not such a big jump is it?

Consultants aren’t the right answer for every problem or opportunity but don’t write them off. They can be a worthwhile investment. They can make significant impact in ten, twenty, thirty days. How many new hires can do the same in their first month whilst they’re learning on the job? And when was the last time you had a spare twenty days to get a job done…

Be Kind, take baby steps – this is grief

Shock, awe, frustration, grief… Change hurts at the best of times (let’s be honest) but this is at a new level.

Coronavirus has turned our worlds upside down, hurt loved ones (emotionally, physically and economically) and left us racing around and often feeling inadequate.

We’re grieving, plain and simple. So what do we do?

I’m still in my forties but like most I’ve been through change and grief. The death of my father in my mid teens after a long illness, my mother passing twenty five years later, eleven days after they stopped ‘end of life’ support. (It wasn’t pretty.) Numerous friends, increasingly of a similar age, no longer here.

It’s made me reflect on how I (and friends and colleagues) are feeling right now and how we’ve come through change and grief before. Our in built coping mechanisms and defences will often dictate our response. This is a chasm of ups and downs, not a straight line of progress. But there is an end.

This is shock

You get the phone call at 3.40am. It’s expected, and you had ‘prepared yourself’ but it stings. You thought you were ready but you weren’t. You sob. It’s a primeval reaction. You make lists (ok, that’s my default behaviour).

There are things to do. You need to tell people. You need to support others through their emotion and reaction. There are practical steps – registering the death, arranging the funeral, notifying agencies. Curveballs – why do we need a coroner all of a sudden when someone spent the last fourteen days of their life in hospital? It gets done.

People ask if you’re ok (clearly not but you can’t say that). Ask what they can do to help (you have no idea). Your executive functioning system has gone off on leave. 

You keep adding to your list and working through it. It’s a distraction. It ‘helps’.

You find things to do. Running seminars, delivering value for clients or colleagues. It detaches and distracts you. We don’t know what we don’t know and for those of us who need more certainty it’s crippling.

Be kind to yourself and to others – talk and listen but make space for yourself when you need it. We just need to do the necessary and keep moving as best we can. Aims are good but be gentle. If you think you know what someone needs then just do (offer rather than ask them to choose).

Frustration follows

You get angry. Not at anyone or anything in particular. Things are different. What you took for granted isn’t there anymore – it doesn’t just work. You’re different – sometimes frustrated, sometimes apathetic, sometimes hard nosed and too driven, sometimes careless, often fearful. Things aren’t going how they’re supposed to be going. You resist because it’s all you can do.

You get depressed. Maybe not clinically depressed but certainly low mood, lacking in energy and conviction. You can push people away. You’re tired, so tired.

The list isn’t working anymore. Nothing is working anymore. It doesn’t ‘help’. Everything feels uncertain. We know what we don’t know – that’s painful.

Express what you can in your safe space. Find a listening ear and have someone watching out for you. Don’t be the person who takes on everyone’s grief – even counsellors need and get support.

Hope

You wake up one day and recognise the sunshine, the colours of nature. You have ideas, reflections. You feel something emerging. You’re not 100% but you feel more comfortable around everybody again. 

You start adding structure, saying yes to good opportunities rather than defaulting yes or no based on emotive reaction. You’re testing and exploring. You’re not fighting it anymore.

You know what you know and that feels good. You start to make more impact, targeted, you feel you again.

Allow space to reflect, to bargain with yourself but also to define some goals and expectations. Talk and share, reflect what you are grateful for. Learn what’s going well and challenge what still needs to improve.

Acceptance

Gradually, almost without noticing, you are different. The ‘new normal’ is just normal. You miss them, but you remember. There is context. You reinforce the new, appreciate what’s different whilst still accepting the loss. You move forward, together, with support.

The new world isn’t better (or worse), it just is. And that’s ok. Like green shoots, there are new opportunities. Keep building. 

You don’t know what you know (and you don’t need to). You just do it and it works.

And so it goes…

We weren’t designed to evolve so quickly but we can get through. All change is challenging. We move through an initial numb response to action response to bargaining and then through to acceptance. We need the right combination of emotional support and our own space at the right time. One size doesn’t fit all. 

Don’t do change alone. Don’t be too brave. Don’t worry about feeling inadequate (we almost all do). Reach out and share. We’re all challenged here but together we can all make a difference in our own way.

Be kind (including to yourself). Remember you’re grieving. One day it will be ok again.

In memory of my parents and of my friend and colleague Michael Mallows who taught me about change, listening, humanity, system 1 and 2 thinking and so much more besides.